


The Remedy

by moosesal



Category: CW Network RPF
Genre: Double Penetration, Felching, Multi, Pegging, Rimming, Threesome
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2009-12-19
Updated: 2009-12-19
Packaged: 2017-10-04 15:51:40
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 19,686
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/31915
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/moosesal/pseuds/moosesal
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The Remedy -- In the aftermath of leaving One Tree Hill, Chad breaks up with Kenzie and goes to Vancouver to heal his heart and find his voice as a writer. What he finds is a couple in love -- Jensen and Danneel. He wants what that kind of love. And he wants it with them. Can he get both? And can he find his voice as a writer?</p><p>F*cking: A Love Story is the memoir Chad writes during the time of the story. It's the retelling of the events of "The Remedy" in his own words. (Warning: Chad's language is a little different than mine.)</p><p>Written for polybigbang challenge on livejournal. LJ masterpost here: http://moosesal.livejournal.com/444633.html (includes links for artwork.)</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Many thanks to my artist bloodnfire and to my betas B and ldthomps.

** _The Break-Up_ **

He was sitting on the couch with a cup of coffee in his hands when Kenzie came home from having lunch with a couple girlfriends. From the bags in her hands it looked like lunch had turned into some shopping, which explained why she was getting home from lunch at 8:37pm. He sat his mug on the end table, stood up, and walked over to her.

"Hey, babe," she said as she leaned in and kissed his cheek before moving around him and down the hall to the bedroom. "You wouldn't believe the deal I got on these shoes at…" Her voice was trailing off as she moved farther away from him, but it didn't matter because he'd already tuned her out. He was wondering just how much of his money she'd spent and thinking that was a shitty thing to think when he'd been the one to insist she have her own cards for his accounts.

He followed her down the hall and leaned against the doorframe watching her hang two new dresses in the closet and then pull out a box that must have been the new shoes she got a deal on. She opened the box and held one up. "Aren't these great?"

They looked like every other pairs of strappy black sandals in the closet but he just said, "Yeah. They're real nice." Jared's ex-girlfriend Sandy had taught him years ago that women always like it when you compliment them on their shoes. The compliment didn't seem to work this time though.

She blew her hair out of her face and he noticed a raised eyebrow. "What's up, Chad? I know that slouch and pout. There's something on your mind, so just spit it out." She turned around to make space in her shoe rack for the new sandals.

Okay then. He could do this. He _would_ do this. He would spit it out. He just needed to figure out his words. He didn't give himself enough time before saying, "I think we should see other people."

Kenzie whacked her elbow on the closet door as she turned back around to face him. "Fuck!" She grabbed her elbow with her other hand and for a moment Chad was glad she was hurt because the look in her eyes said she wanted to punch him in the face. "What the fuck, Chad? See other people? What's that supposed to mean?"

"Umm…"

"You're fucking someone else, aren't you?"

"No." He wasn't. He really wasn't. Unless you counted … "Just that girl we brought home together last week, but … you were there. You're the one who picked her out."

"Are you seeing her now? Is that it? Are --"

"No! I'm not seeing anyone. I'm not fucking anyone. I just…"

"You just what? _Want_ to be fucking someone?"

"Yes. No. I don't -- I don't know if this is working and I thought maybe we could relax things a little."

"Relax things? What the fuck does that even mean? _Relax_ things?"

"Like… we could still see each other, but maybe date other people too. You know … casual. Not so … not so serious, I guess."

"Not so serious. I left my family 3000 miles away to come here for you, Chad. You said you wanted to be with me forever. I thought you were going to marry me."

"See, that's … I'm not ready for that. I've done that and --"

"No shit, asshole." A shoe came flying at his head. And then another. And then two at once. Apparently she was making space in the closet for more than just the one new pair.

He watched her pull a bag from the top shelf and shove some clothes in it before moving to the dresser for more clothes and then into the bathroom for her toothbrush. He just stood in the doorway watching her and trying to figure out what to say. Trying to figure out what he'd already said that had been so bad. It wasn't like he was breaking up with her. Just… relaxing things.

She brushed past him and down the hall back to the living room. "Text me when you're going to be out of the house so I don't have to see your sorry ass when I come back to get my stuff." The words trailed behind her but this time they were more than loud enough for him to hear no matter how much he didn't want to. And then came the slam of the front door.

"Fuck," he muttered to himself.

 

*****

He probably should have seen it coming, but Chad never expected Jared to be so sympathetic to Kenzie.

"She walked out on _me,_ man. On me. I didn't --"

"You told her you thought you should see other people, jackass. How did you expect her to react?"

"I don't know. Last week when she was eating that girl's pussy in our bed she didn't seem averse to seeing other people."

"Dude. You did not just equate the two of you -- _together_ \-- bringing home a girl to share with actually _dating_ other people."

"I don't see how it's all that different."

Jared sighed and said, "No. Of course you don't."

"She wants me to get out of the house for a while so she can get her stuff, J. And I … I don't have anywhere to go. Nobody's in town except for people who are on her side."

"Why don't you come up for a few days? Hang out. We'll get drunk and play Xbox and figure out how to fix this shit."

Chad was quiet for a minute before he said, "What if I don't want to fix it?"

Now it was Jared's turn to be quiet. Then he said, "Seriously?" And while he couldn't see or hear Chad's nod, he continued as if he had. "If that's what you want, we'll … we'll figure it out, okay? Just come up."

"Okay."

He hung up, bought a plane ticket online, then texted Kenzie: _Leaving 7:30am tomorrow. Back next week._

Two minutes later he sent another message. _I'm sorry. I wasn't lying when I said I love you._

** _Re-Introductions_ **

Since leaving the show Chad had been trying to get in the groove with his writing. He'd loved getting to write an episode of _One Tree Hill_ and he'd definitely made notes for other television and movie ideas, but what he really wanted to do was write the great American novel. It was perhaps the one thing he'd had in common with Lucas Scott for all those years. He sure as hell wasn't any good at basketball.

When he packed his bag for Vancouver, he made sure to take his new satchel with his laptop, his copy of _On Writing_ \-- Steven King was fucking brilliant -- his ruled moleskin notebook -- which he'd bought in Borders when he saw the note on the cover that Hemingway had used the classic notebook because who was more amazing than Hemingway? -- and his new fountain pen -- which made him feel more literary. He also had the latest edition of _America's Best Short Stories_ and a personal goal to read and write something every day.

He took his seat on the plane and pulled out his notebook. He'd start out with a journal entry. He'd read that journaling was a great way to get started as a writer.

> _Going to Jared's to deal with the Kenzie mess. Can't believe she left me and I'm stuck sitting in fucking coach, because first class was booked, which is crazy because who the fuck can afford to fly first class right now? First class is never booked. But whatever, I'm on the plane and I'm writing because I really want to be a writer. And wow, that's stupid. I need to write about something real, something that happened. _
> 
> I keep seeing Kenzie standing at the closet holding her banged elbow after she threw a shoe at me. Or maybe she banged her elbow first? I don't remember. I wasn't really paying attention, I was dealing with my pain. But now all I can see is her hands. Her sweet little hands. She used to wrap them around my cock while sucking me off. Cold hands, always so damn cold.
> 
> cold fingers slipping low  
> touching my sac  
> sliding in my ass
> 
> hot lips around my cock  
> sucking  
> sucking  
> sucking  
> swallowing  
> unh so good

 

He smiled to himself. _That shit's pretty good. Maybe I should try poetry instead of a novel. Much shorter, can't be quite so hard._ He closed his journal and put it back in his bag, his fountain pen safely tucked into a carry case so it wouldn't accidently leak in his new "satchel" made from recycled authentic WWII bomber jackets. He caressed the soft, worn leather and closed his eyes. He was asleep before the plane even left the ground.

 

*****

"Dude" -- Jared pointed at Chad's bag, laughing -- "is that a murse?"

"What?" Chad's brow crinkled. "Murse?"

"Man purse. On your shoulder."

"Fuck you. It's a satchel. It's got my writing stuff in it."

"Whatever." Jared shook his head and wrapped him in a hug. "Good to see you, man. You got luggage?"

"Nah. Just this." He tipped his head at the rolling bag beside him. "Can't handle waiting around baggage and fighting off all the fangirls right now."

Jared snorted. "Right. Silly me." He turned and headed to the exit for the parking garage and Chad followed shaking his head. It wasn't Chad's fault he was so much hotter than Jared and that girls were always trying to paw at him and shit. He was a sexy guy. And now he was a _single_ sexy guy. Without Kenzie beside him, the chicks would be all over him.

They got out of the airport and into the flow of traffic before Jared really spoke again. "You hungry? I told Jensen we'd meet up with him and Danneel for dinner."

"Sure." He was pretty sure his voice was steady. He was hungry, but he wasn't sure how much company he was ready for. When not distracted by hiding from fangirls, he was in pain. Great, suffering man pain. He didn't know if he could handle being social with other people yet. But for Jared he would try. He bit his lip and pulled himself together. _I can do this. I can do this. I can do this._

He could do totally this.

 

*****

Dinner was good. For a while. Jensen and Danneel weren't all touchy feely and making Chad long for Kenzie. Instead they talked about work -- the final season of _Supernatural_ and Danneel's return to _One Tree Hill_. Then Chad put his foot in his mouth by saying, "I guess you sucked the right dick and they're giving you some of the money they're not giving me."

Danneel wasn't amused. She was, however, quick to return fire. "Maybe they decided to get someone who hasn't already sucked all of their dicks."

Jensen might have choked at that. Jared might have laughed and said, "Damn, Danny. That was rough."

"But true." She looked at Chad, daring him to deny it.

He'd always hated the way she quirked her eyebrow when parlaying some witty Rachel dialog. He hated it even more now that it wasn't scripted. Smart women were hot. Except when they used their brains to make you feel like shit.

"Go easy on him," Jared said. "He thinks he just got dumped."

"Thinks?" He caught himself before he let his voice get much louder, turning to look at Jared. "I _did_ get dumped asshole. She's probably packing her shit right now. She threw a shoe at me."

Everyone chuckled at that. Then Jared gave him a serious look and said, "You dumped her, Chad. I thought we hashed this out on the phone."

"All I said was that maybe we should see other people." He looked from Jared to Jensen, then briefly to Danneel before back to Jensen. He seemed most likely to be sympathetic. He'd burned through Playboy bunnies faster than he drank a pot of coffee on a shooting day. "I just meant maybe we should back off a little. Relax things for a while"

Jensen glanced at Danneel then shoved a piece of meat in his mouth and didn't say a word. He had good table manners.

He was also clearly pussy-whipped.

"Come on, Danny. You've met her." He didn't mean to whine and cringed at the sound of his own voice.

"Yeah, Chad, I have. And I told you -- as did everyone else -- that the whole thing was a bad idea. She's young and you were always destined to get tired of it."

"I need a stronger drink for this." Those last words could have come from any of them.

 

*****

They went to a bar a few doors down from the restaurant. As the evening passed they all got progressively more and more drunk until Chad found himself alone in the men's room. He locked himself in a stall, put the lid down on the toilet and climbed onto the tank, pulling his feet up. He was hiding -- from himself and the rest of the world.

He wasn't sure how long he sat there before the door opened letting in the raucous noise of the crowd and the band in the main room, then closed again leaving him to hear his own breathing, shuffling feet, the clicking of high heels, and a giggling voice that was very familiar.

"Jensen, we're gonna get caught." More giggles then an _oomph_ as a body crashed against the wall between Chad's stall and the one right next to him.

"Relax, baby. I'll be quick." Chad rolled his eyes.

"Oh yeah" -- Chad could practically hear Danneel rolling her eyes -- "just what I wanted to hear."

This time it was Jensen who was laughing. "Not too quick. Promise."

Chad heard a zipper and the rustling of clothes. Saw a pair of panties slide down to the floor around Danneel's ankles. She stepped out with one leg and the foot didn't come back down. Chad heard her moan and could imagine Jensen holding her leg up around his hip as he pushed into her. The wall shook rhythmically, as Jensen thrust slow and steady into his girlfriend. His fucking hot-as-shit, fucks-in-a-bar-bathroom girlfriend.

"Oh, oh yeah, baby. Do it."

_Do what?_

"Love your finger in my ass. Almost as good as your big cock." And that was Jensen.

_Holy shit! Holy. Fucking. Shit._

Chad couldn't believe he was hearing this. Was Jensen for real? Did he let Danneel fuck him with some sex toy? Jesus that was hot. Chad spread his legs and reached down to squeeze his balls. He felt like he was going to come in his pants just listening to them. He could just imagine Danneel's head tipped back against the wall, Jensen biting at her neck between the dirty words spilling from him.

"Come on, baby. Come for me. Wanna feel you come all over me, so wet and slip-- Yeah, that's it."

She was practically screaming and Chad looked up to see her hand grasp the top of the wall between them. Her knuckles white as she squeezed the metal wall. Then her other hand was there and both of her feet were gone and the pounding was harder and faster.

"Fuck me, Jen… Fuck me hard… Want it… Want it so much."

"Shit" and "fuck" came out in breathy whispers from both of them. Chad could hear just how wet Danneel was; he was reminded of the squelching sound that his pocket pussy made when he used tons of lube.

"Fuck, Dann. Gonna…unh. Oh…oh shit…unh." Jensen stilled and groaned as Danneel made more whimpering noises and Chad came in his pants.

He must have made some kind of noise because all of a sudden everything went completely still and silent then Danneel said, "Hello? Is someone in here?"

"Uh…" What was he supposed to say.

Danneel's feet came down and then he heard the lid to the other toilet drop and then there she was peaking over the top of the wall at him. He was still holding his balls through his pants and he could feel heat in his cheeks. Danneel's own face was flushed, but it looked more like it was from the sex than from embarrassment, especially judging by the shit-eating grin on her face.

It wasn't quite fair. Chad figured _he_ should be the one with the shit-eating grin. He was the one who just got the free show, after all. Or maybe not a show, exactly, but close enough.

"What the fuck?" Jensen's voice.

Danneel looked down at him and said, "It's just Chad. Jerking off in the bathroom."

"I wasn't jerking off."

She looked at him with that damn eyebrow raised again.

"I wasn't." He moved his hand to show that he was still all zipped up. The wet spot on his pants didn't really help his argument though. "I just --"

"Came in your pants from the sound of us?" Her grin was even bigger now. Chad had never seen anyone so satisfied with herself before. She was fucking gorgeous, even though she pissed him off. "That's actually kind of hot. If I overlook the fact that you're you."

Then she hopped down and he saw her pull up her panties. The stall door opened and he heard water running in the sink for a minute and then, "Catch you later, Chad." Jensen was muttering something that he couldn't make out as they left the bathroom. Chad was just grateful Jensen wasn't punching him in the face.


	2. Chapter 2

** _Cohabitation Breeds Infatuation_ **

Chad spent the next few weeks pretty much living on Jared's sofa, much to Jared's dismay. "I thought you had a hotel room?" Jared asked.

Chad threw a pillow at him. "I thought you said I was always welcome here?"

"That was before you stopped showering and started watching porn in my living room twenty-four-seven."

"It's not porn, it's an _art film_."

Jared looked at the television -- a petite brunette was fucking a Vin Diesel-lookalike with a purple strap-on. "Art, huh? Right."

Jared winced and looked away when Chad adjusted himself. Then Chad got up from the couch and crossed the room to turn off the TV. "It was an art film earlier. I kinda lost the remote in your monster couch."

"Right." Jared nodded at him and then headed for the kitchen. Chad followed behind like a lost puppy. It might have been cute if he'd been following someone else around. Following Jared was just pathetic.

Jensen and Danneel were making dinner. Chad sat on a stool on the other side of the island from them and watched the way their hips touched now and then. He watched Danneel elbow Jensen in the side as he tried to steal some of the peppers she was chopping. He watched the way Jensen's eyes crinkled when he laughed, listened to the deep tremor of Danneel's answering chuckle, wondered at how beautiful the two of them were together. Remembered how beautiful Kenzie was when she laughed and smiled and looked at him like he was the most amazing person in the world. Wanted someone to look at him like that again.

"So if I called her, what would I say?" His question was directed at all of them. He needed help. He really, really needed help.

Everyone stopped what they were doing and just stared at him. Perhaps the question had come out of nowhere. After all, he'd spent the last few weeks denying that he wanted to get back together with her. He still wasn't sure he actually did want to get back together. He wanted what he was seeing in front of him -- that happiness, that connection, that sweetness. And if he was honest with himself, he wanted to try some hot bathroom fucking like he'd witnessed that first night out in Vancouver.

Maybe he didn't want Kenzie, maybe he wanted Jensen and Danneel.

Nah, that was just crazy.

Or was it?

 

*****

> _God. Watching them together is… They're so beautiful, both of them. And they love each other. And when I look at them I realize that Kenzie and I were never like that. Sophia and I were definitely never like that. The way they laugh. The way they casually touch as they pass in the hall or make dinner. Tonight they were chopping veggies in the kitchen and talking and laughing and I wanted so much to join them. But how do I do that? Seriously. What would I say?_

 

*****

He said good-bye to Jared and Jensen at the airport, walking through security with Danneel. She was heading to Wilmington via LA to start filming for _One Tree Hill_. He didn't let it get to him that she was back on his show when he'd been let go. Much.

He didn't stare at her purple toenails when she took off her shoes at security. He didn't trace the length of her tanned legs up to her very short skirt. He absolutely didn't think about pulling her into a bathroom and fucking her hard and fast against the wall of a handicap stall.

Instead, he admired her choice of toenail polish color and how it complemented the tight summer sweater hugging her amazing tits just so. And he envied her ability to get such lovely bronze skin on her shapely long legs. And he thought maybe he could get a handjob from her on the plane under one of those flimsy little blankets she'd surely need to manage the cold plane given how short her skirt was. Planes were always too cold.

When Chad had seen that she was flying coach, he'd paid to upgrade her to first class so they could sit together. When they boarded the plane he asked her if she wanted the window or the aisle. He was nothing if not a gentleman. She took the window and he got her a blanket and pillow before she could even think to ask. When the flight attendant -- Cindy, a small blonde who Chad would probably go for if he weren't with Danneel -- asked if they'd like anything to drink he said, "Champagne. For the lady."

Danneel stared at him for a moment then shrugged at Cindy and said, "Sure. Why not?"

"And for you, sir?" Cindy asked.

"I'll have your best beer." He pretended not to hear Danneel giggling next to him.

A half hour later, Chad leaned over, grazing Danneel's ear with his nose, and whispered, "Wanna join me in the bathroom for a quickie?" In retrospect, it probably wasn't the best way to ask. Subtlety was not his greatest strength, but he was working on it. He really was.

Danneel's elbow to his ribs, the scowl on her face, and the "What the fuck?" should have clued him in right away. Instead he thought she was just playing.

"A quickie. In the bathroom. Like at the bar."

"At the bar? Are you kidding me? That was with Jensen. My _boyfriend_." The look on her face was one he'd seen before. From Sophia and Kenzie and not during their best moments.

"I just thought --"

"Thought what? That you'd upgrade me to first class, get a couple glasses of champagne in me, and I'd suck you off in the cockpit?"

"I was thinking about your pleasure too, but if you'd rather blow me, that's cool. And we can't get into the cockpit since all those 9/11 security changes."

Danneel just stared at him for a second. Then she slapped him across his face and climbed past him to an empty seat across the aisle and one row back. He was stunned but managed to figure out that the sex probably wasn't going to happen.

 

*****

They parted at the airport, Danneel not even responding to his, "Sorry about the misunderstanding. Have a safe trip to Wilmington." When he got to his condo he ordered two dozen tulips to be delivered to her hotel in North Carolina. The card said _I'm a douche. I like you and Jensen. Didn't mean to cause trouble. XOXO Chad._

He spent some quality time in Starbucks with his journal, drinking coffee, eating over-priced pound cake, and writing.

> _I'm an idiot. A big fucking idiot. I propositioned Danny on the airplane and it didn't go over well. She's probably going to tell Jensen. I should have just fucked the stewardess instead (she was definitely interested in me). Now I'm gonna have to grovel or something to get on Danny's good side again. Otherwise I'll never get in her pants._

 

The next afternoon he got a text: _XOXO? Are you kidding?_

He sent back _Like I said I like you. Forgive me? I can behave._

And she sent back _Behave? Yeah right. Whatever. Forgiven. Forgotten._

He sent her another bouquet. Roses this time. _See you and Jensen in Vancouver in a couple weeks. With love, Chad._

She texted _With love? LOL. You're too much._

He smiled and saved it. She'd see. He'd make her see.

 

*****

> _her eyes_
> 
> like pools of water  
> reflecting his love  
> shining so bright  
> pulling me in  
> entrancing me
> 
> how can he resist?  
> how can I?   
> she is an angel  
> it's heaven between her thighs

** _Falling_ **

They were all he could think of. When he woke up in the morning, hand on his half-hard cock. When he went to bed at night, hand on his half-hard cock. When he walked around all day readjusting his half-hard cock in his pants at the mere memory of them. He supposed some people might just think of it as lust, but it just… It was so much more. He didn't even know how it happened. Just the way they were together. The way they laughed and moved and he just wanted to be part of that. He wanted to know what they tasted like. What their hands would feel like in his. What their bodies would feel like pressed to his own like he was the cream in a Jensen/Chad/Danneel-flavored Oreo cookie.

He wanted to know them.

He took care of some paperwork with his agent, did a photo shoot for a new magazine trying to be the next _GQ_, had a painfully tense lunch with Kenzie that confirmed things were definitely over -- she was already dating some new CW-network flunkie -- and then headed back to Vancouver.

He was expecting Jared to pick him up. He was surprised -- both pleasantly and terrifyingly -- to see Jensen waiting for him as he exited Customs with his wheelie bag in tow.

"Give me one good reason why I shouldn't punch you in the face."

Chad was startled into silence for a moment then pulled himself together and said, "Because we're in public, people are looking at us and pulling out their camera phones, and you really don't wanna be on _TMZ_."

"I fucking hate you." Jensen turned away, calling out "let's go" as he started walking to the exit.

Chad caught up to him and grinned even though Jensen was intentionally not looking his way. "No you don't."

"Huh?"

"You don't want to punch me."

"Yeah, Chad. I do." No other words were spoken until they got to the car. "I should make you ride in the trunk, asshole."

"If Danneel can forgive me --"

"Forgive you? What's there to forgive?" The sarcasm was thick and Chad was actually a little impressed. Jensen had always been a little intense, but not often so forceful. Chad felt his cock twitch with interest even though this was absolutely not the time. "Hey, all you did was try to fuck my girlfriend, right? What's a little sharing between buddies? Is that what you think?"

They were standing on opposite sides of the car, staring at each other over the roof.

"I'm sorry." He was genuine. There was a time in his life when he wouldn't have bothered even if he'd meant it. Now that he really did mean it, he wasn't sure he could make Jensen believe him. "I didn't… I didn't think, man. I like her --"

"You _like_ her? That's great. You like her. I'm so happy to know that you like my girlfriend enough to wanna fuck her on an airplane. It's great to know that you respect her so much." He opened the driver's side door and moved to get in, muttering as he ducked out of site. "He likes her. Gee that just makes it all better."

Chad opened the back door and put his suitcase on the seat then got in up front. "I… I like you both. Can we just… Can we start fresh?"

Jensen looked at him like he had two heads and mumbled, "Un-fucking-believable." A few minutes later when they'd made their way out of the craziness of the airport parking garage and were actually on the road heading for Jared's place Jensen surprised him by saying, "Sure. Start fresh. After all, Danny's already _forgiven_ you."

Chad's smile fell off his face at the deep sigh that followed Jensen's words, but he vowed to win the guy over.

 

*****

Chad was barely through Jared's front door before he was accosted with the one question he didn't want to deal with. "So how was lunch with Kenzie?"

Chad's response was a groan. He was grateful that Jensen had brushed by them both and headed into the kitchen.

"Dude, this was your chance to fix things."

"And I'm standing in your living room instead of having make-up sex in LA. That should be a clue."

"You don't even want to fix this, do you." It was an accusation, not a question and Chad had to laugh, because really, what was he supposed to say? After spending two weeks in Vancouver -- two weeks watching Jensen and Danneel be a real couple, watching them be together in a way he'd never been with Kenzie or Sophia or any other woman he'd been with -- he really didn't want to fix things. Without knowing it, he'd been right the night they'd fought -- he wanted to see other people. Two specific other people, although that hadn't been the case when they'd broken up. Then he'd just known he wasn't happy with the way things were.

He meant to say, "We talked about it, but it's just over, Jay." What actually came out was, "I think I'm in love."

Chad managed to not get pissed at the eyeroll; if things had been reversed he wouldn't have believed himself either. "Let me guess," Jared said. "You met her on the plane?"

Chad just laughed. "No. It's not someone new."

"Is she the reason you broke up? Were you cheating on Kenzie?"

"No! I didn't… I didn't know before. I just sort of realized. After I came here and then went home and --"

"You really think this is a good time to be falling in love? Give yourself some time man."

"Don't need time to know. Just need time to make it happen."

Jared laughed at that. "So what makes you so sure you can make it happen?"

"I've never felt this way before in my life." He looked past Jared at Jensen drinking a beer and staring out the window over the kitchen sink. It was possible that Jensen was more beautiful than Danneel. They were never going to go for him. He didn't have anything to offer.

 

*****

"Hey."

Jensen was standing in front of the open freezer reading the back of a box. He looked up at Chad and said, "Hey." Chad found himself frozen in place. He'd never seen Jensen in his glasses. It was actually kind of surprising -- not that he wore glasses, but that Chad had somehow not seen them yet. It was probably a good thing because now Chad would be spending the day in his room jerking off to the mental picture of Jensen wearing nothing but those glasses. The guy was hotter than anyone had any right to be.

_Fuck._ "Uhh…" He was speechless. And an idiot.

"Did you need something?" Jensen asked, putting the box back in the freezer and stepping back.

"Uhh…"

Jensen just raised an eyebrow at him.

"Milk," he finally managed to get out. Jensen stepped to the side so that Chad could get out the milk then moved again twice as Chad danced back and forth unsure how to move around him to get cereal and a bowl out of the cupboards.

"Late night?" Jensen asked.

"Huh?"

"It's just… you seem like you're not really fully awake yet. Thought maybe you were up late."

Jensen was making conversation with him. Real conversation. For the first time since he'd confronted him about coming on to Danneel on the plane. This was good. He should say something back.

"Uhh. No, not late, just…" He trailed off and shrugged.

"It's cool. I'm not a morning person either." Jensen smiled at him, then grabbed a banana off the counter and left the kitchen.

"Fuck me," Chad whispered to himself. _It's cool._ Jensen had said, "It's cool." Chad's stomach flipped and he spent half the day with a smile on his face. The other half of the day was spent jerking off to the image of Jensen in his glasses.

 

*****

Jensen picked up his phone and set it back down on the nightstand at least five times before he finally got up the nerve to actually call Danneel.

"Hey, babe," she said after just one ring.

Jensen thought about hanging up but he knew she'd just call him right back. "What the fuck am I doing here?"

"Uh… I'm gonna need more to go on."

"Chad. He's… he's a dick. He propositioned you for Christ's sake. But I -- I keep seeing him in the house and he seems like -- like maybe he's not so bad?"

Danneel snorted at that.

"I mean… Jared's been friends with him for years."

"That's 'cause he's a good guy. Misguided and misunderstood, poor judgment, the inability to speak without thinking first, but basically good."

"You really forgive him for the plane?"

"Yeah." She laughed. "He's a moron but he actually thought he was being smooth. From his perspective it was a compliment. Besides… he likes you, that's enough for me."

"Yeah. I thought maybe we could hang out. Try to be friends."

"I think that's a great idea."

"Yeah?" He chewed his lip, still uncertain but confident that Danneel's view of things would be the right one.

"Yeah. Hang out, catch a game, trade blowjobs."

Jensen choked. "What?"

"You know, do guy things together."

"Right." He must have misheard her. Must have been projecting his own thoughts onto her words. "I should let you go. It's late for you."

"Okay," she said.

"Love you."

"Love you too. And Jen? It's cool if you wanna do more than just hang out with him."

Before he could get out some kind of denial, Danneel hung up on her end.

_Fuck me._

 

*****

Chad spent significant portions of the next three days in his room beating off to thoughts of Danneel's long muscular legs. And to Jensen in his glasses. And to Jensen in his glasses with Danneel's long legs wrapped around his waist. And over his shoulders. To Danneel on her hands and knees, ass up in the air while Jensen (in his glasses) pounded into her over and over. Of Jensen on his hands and knees, ass up in the air while Danneel pounded into him over and over. He was getting calluses from all the beating off. He may have only come out of his room because he was starting to rub himself raw.

When he did finally emerge he once again found Jensen in the kitchen, this time staring into the fridge. "Hey, you eat dinner yet?"

"Uhh, no?"

"Wanna go out for something? There's not much in the house."

"Uhh, where's Jared?"

"Out with Gen."

"Oh." Was Jensen asking him out?

The silence went on for what felt like hours but Chad hoped was really only a few seconds.

"So?" Jensen asked.

"Uhh, sure." This was Chad's chance. Now he just had to get through a meal and not fuck it all up. He was certain he could do it. Maybe.

Two hours later he was certain he'd fucked up because Jensen seemed like he couldn't get away from him fast enough when they got back to the house. Dinner had gone fine, they'd talked about the industry, joked about the crap they'd done for the network, swapped stories about their experiences on the _Creek_ and what they loved and hated about LA. It was all good and then Chad had brought up Danneel and the plane in an awkward attempt to apologize and then Jensen had gotten quiet. Chad picked up the check and they drove back to the house and Jensen was practically out of his car before he'd even parked it.

Chad followed him into the house, unsure of what to say. They got through the door and he barely got out "Jen --" before Jensen had him pressed against the wall and dropped to his knees to unbutton Chad's pants.

"Fuck me." Chad groaned and thrust his hips towards Jensen's face. He may have whimpered when Jensen pulled his pants down and took Chad into his mouth like they'd been doing this for years. It was unbelievable.

Chad looked down and then had to close his eyes to keep from coming too soon. He wasn't going to last long regardless, but he could at least make a somewhat decent showing, right? Jensen was on his knees, with Chad's dick in his mouth, and he was liking it. He opened his eyes again and the look in Jensen's eyes was unmistakable. He pressed the heel of his hand to his cock and looked up at Chad through the longest lashes ever and that was it, Chad was coming in his mouth without warning. Jensen pulled back and finished him off with his hand, letting the last few drops splash against his pouty mouth and _holy shit_. Chad felt shocks through his body even after he'd stopped spurting come. It was insane.

He tugged at Jensen's arm, pulling him up. He wanted to kiss him, he wanted to suck him off in return, he wanted to bury his cock deep in his tight ass. Jensen wiped his thumb across his lips catching those last drops, then licked it clean as Chad reached down to return the favor only to find the front of Jensen's pants were wet. Jensen shrugged and smiled and said, "Good night." Then he was walking down the stairs to his room and Chad was left leaning against the living room wall still trying to catch his breath and figure out what the fuck had just happened.

 

*****

> _Holy shit. Holy fucking shit. Jensen's mouth. Holy shit. I just … I can't remember ever being blown like that before in my life._
> 
> The way he looked up at me while he did it. Letting me cum on his face. The way he came in his pants without even really touching himself. Jesus fuck. Amazing. Those fucking lips. Christ. So fucking hot.
> 
> FUCK!


	3. Chapter 3

** _Freaking Out_ **

Jensen came in the door from an early morning trip to God-only-knows-where. Chad looked up from the couch and said, "Hey. Jared's out with the dogs."

Jensen blushed and dashed down the stairs to his room. Chad wasn't sure what it was that sent him running. It couldn't be his greeting because he was perfectly nice. But it's not like he really even considered that that might be it because Jensen hadn't spoken to him since the blowjob three nights earlier.

_Maybe it was the blowjob._

It couldn't be though. Maybe if Chad had been the one to blow Jensen, but it had been the other way around and it definitely hadn't been Jensen's first time on his knees. The way he'd sucked Chad's dick down his throat said there had been many, _many_ blowjobs before that one. So it couldn't be stupid gay panic.

And they'd had a good time hanging out that night. And Jensen had been friendly around the house. He'd seemed to get past the whole airplane incident since Chad and Danneel had moved on and were texting and talking on the phone and joking all the time.

But maybe it was about Danneel. With her traveling all the time for work and Jensen being stuck in Vancouver because of his crazy shooting schedule, they didn't get a lot of time together. Chad couldn't imagine that they had some sort of exclusive thing going on given the situation. Could they?

He thought about the way they were together: so happy, so in sync, so _in love_. He remembered how pissed off Danneel had been on the plane, that she'd pointedly reminded him about Jensen. They'd even gotten a dog together… _Oh shit._

What if he'd broken them up? Oh shit.

Any normal guy would have said something, but Jensen was so quiet, so private. He would totally keep that shit to himself. He was probably waiting for Danneel to come back and deal with Chad. She sure as hell wasn't shy when it came to telling Chad off.

He had to fix this. He could totally fix this. Maybe.

He went down to Jensen's room and knocked on the door. There was a rustling sound then footsteps and finally Jensen opened the door. Chad swallowed at the site of him -- instead of the street clothes from a few minutes ago he now wore dark grey flannel pajama pants, a faded blue T-shirt that looked so soft it was all Chad could do not to reach out and touch him, and his glasses. Those smart, sexy glasses. Chad felt his stomach drop and his throat close as he just stood there staring.

Jensen broke the silence by clearing his throat and asking, "Did you need something?" The way he raised his eyebrows? Gorgeous.

Chad forgot why he was there. He stepped forward, grabbed Jensen by the hip and bicep, and pulled him in for a kiss. Jensen didn't respond at first, but then he was leaning into Chad, kissing back. His hand came up to grip Chad's neck, tilting his head just a little to make things even easier. It was delicious. Wonderful. Amazing. A million other words that Chad would look up in his thesaurus later when he wrote about this in his journal.

Jensen was kissing him. Kissing _him._ Chad.

And then he wasn't anymore. Chad opened his eyes, confused at the sudden loss of wet heat against his mouth. Jensen had stepped back, away from him; when Chad tried to move forward to meet him again, Jensen put up a hand and said, "Don't."

"What?... I don't understand. The other night --"

"The other night shouldn't have happened. Danneel --"

"Danneel's not here." And yeah it was a shitty thing to say, but no one ever claimed Chad was smart enough to think before speaking.

"No. She's not." Jensen wasn't confused or hesitant anymore. He was angry. Really angry. "She's three thousand miles away and I seem to recall you trying to fuck her in an airplane bathroom on the way there."

"Yeah," Chad said, getting angry himself. "I did. And she said no instead of sucking my brains out through my dick."

"Get out." Jensen turned away from him and walked into his bathroom, closing the door softly behind him. Roles reversed, Chad would have slammed it and he had to wonder for a moment what it meant that Jensen had seemed somehow resigned and sad as he closed that door.

Chad stared at the mussed covers on the bed, the script on the nightstand, the closed bathroom door. It was the sound of dogs and Jared coming home from their walk that brought Chad back to his senses. For the moment anyway.

 

*****

He started a text message, scrolled through his contacts for "Danny" and typed in: _I kissed your boyfriend. Now he won't talk to me. I'm sorry. How's Wilmington?_

He pressed SEND and figured he wouldn't hear from her until she was back in Vancouver and slapping him upside the head.

A moment later he got back: _I know. He will. I'm sure. Sunny and beautiful, just like me._

From there it was a rapid volley of messages. Apparently she wasn't filming that day or was already finished.

To Danny -- You know?!? That's all you have to say?

To Chad -- I could say that I also know he blew you a few days ago. Are you sorry for that too?

To Danny -- Umm… no?

To Chad -- Good. So why don't you go downstairs and return the favor?

Chad may have choked when he read that.

To Danny -- Are you fucking kidding me? I thought you two were "together." Isn't that what you said on the plane?

To Chad -- Not kidding. Didn't want to do anything until Jensen had you first. Had to be sure.

To Danny -- Sure of what?

To Chad -- Sure that you weren't just trying to fuck me just because I'm hot and you were horny.

To Danny -- And you're sure now? Because I kissed your boyfriend and let him suck me off?

To Chad -- Yep.

To Danny -- Are you insane?

To Chad -- Nope. Just looking forward to a little threesome in that bar bathroom. :-)

He quit texting and called her. She didn't even say hello just, "He's into you, Chad. Seriously."

He hung up. Two seconds later his phone was vibrating in his hand and the screen said "Danny." He swallowed and took the call. "I think I'm missing some vital information as to _what the fuck is going on here._"

"Calm down," she said. He could hear the smile on her face. She was enjoying this.

"Just… can you fill me in, because clearly I'm missing something."

"We saw the way you looked at us, Chad."

"Huh?" _Busted._

"Don't play stupid. I know you're not as dumb as you look. And by the way if you stopped doing that squinty thing that makes you look all constipated, maybe other people would know too."

He was too shocked by everything else to come up with a response to that.

"I noticed first. You kept looking at us when we would cook or sit together in front of the TV, whatever. And I could see it in your eyes. This desire …"

"Well yeah. You're hot. Of course I --"

"No." She cut him off. "Not desire _for_ one of us, or even both of us -- not that that wasn't there too -- but desire to be a _part_ of us."

"How did you…"

"I'm an actress. I study human behavior."

He didn't mean to snort at that, but seriously? _I study human behavior?_ What a crock of … "No really," he said.

"It was in your eyes. I don't know, I just … knew."

"Then why'd you turn me down on the plane?"

"Because you were an ass. And all that was about was getting sucked off on the plane. Jensen --"

"Jensen what?"

She took a breath and when she answered he voice was soft. "Jensen deserves better than that."

"He wasn't even there. It was you and me."

"Yeah, and you don't get me until you figure out how to get him."

She was serious. He didn't really know what to make of that.

"Uh… I gotta go."

"Go down there, Chad. Seriously --" He hung up before hearing the rest of what she had to say. It was all too absurd to be real.

 

*****

Jensen wasn't sure how long he stayed in the bathroom after Chad left. He sat on the toilet for at least fifteen minutes just staring at the wall. Then he stripped and stood in the shower until the water ran cold. He was confident when he finally emerged from the bathroom that Chad would be gone. He was glad to be right.

He stepped into his room and stared at the script sitting by the bed where he'd left it when Chad had come in and kissed him -- he glanced at the clock -- nearly two hours ago. He picked up his phone and then put it back down then picked it up again and called Danneel. Not even five minutes into the conversation he couldn't believe what she was saying to him.

Sure they'd joked around before about bringing someone else into their bed -- man or woman -- but that had always been about a one-time thing. It was about sex. And they'd talked about Chad's possible attraction to them and Jensen's attraction to Chad. But it was all theoretical. This? This was not theoretical. This was real. And complicated. This felt like it could turn into something more than just a one-night stand. More than just the drunken blowjob in the living room.

They hadn't talked about something more. Not really.

Aside from a few blowjobs over the years Jensen hadn't seriously been with a guy since his time on _Days._

"You like him." She said it like it was the most obvious -- and most simple -- thing ever.

"Yeah, but --"

"No buts, unless it's _his_ butt. Or your butt. Or hell, even my butt. But no _buts_, Jensen."

That -- his butt -- was so not happening. Because then it really would mean something. And meaning something with Chad fucking Michael asshole Murray was just not something he saw as probable. After all, Chad was staying at Jared's house after sabotaging his long-term relationship that everyone had thought would end in marriage.

"He likes you too, you know."

"Right."

"Don't get snarky with me, mister. I'm serious. He likes you."

"Uh-huh. And you know this how?"

"He told me."

"When?"

"When he texted me that you blew him and that he --"

"Wait. He _texted_ you about the blowjob?"

"Yeah. And then we talked on the phone. While you were brooding after your fight, waiting to call me yourself."

"I wasn't brooding."

"Probably stood in the shower until it went cold, didn't you?"

He grumbled, but didn't answer outright. Sometimes it sucked to have someone know you so well. It wasn't fair.

"That's what I thought." He could practically hear the smile on her face. "He likes you, Jensen. So what's the big deal?"

"The big deal? We're in a relationship, I shouldn't --"

"Shouldn't what? Find someone else attractive? Is this because it's Chad? Or because he's a guy? It can't be because of me because you know I'm cool with sharing our bed."

"This is about more than just sharing our bed." He winced at the whine in his voice.

"Hey." Her voice got soft and gentle. "I like Chad, too. He's fun and he's not as much of a douche as he lets people think. If he weren't a great guy, he wouldn't have Jared and Hilarie as friends. So … maybe I never expected a threesome to be more than a one-night thing, but … maybe I wouldn't mind so much."

There was no hesitancy in her "maybes." She'd clearly thought this over. She was open to it, she was just waiting for him to wrap his head around it all. He just wasn't sure he could.

"Jensen?" He didn't know how many minutes had passed in silence. He suspected it was fewer than it felt like, but long enough to make her worry.

"Yeah. I'm here."

"Go talk to him."

"Talk to him?"

"Yeah. Talk to him. Kiss him. Fuck him. Whatever."

"Whatever?" He half laughed at that, not sure how else to react.

"Maybe send me a video." She laughed. Full and deep and he wished they weren't on opposite sides of the fucking continent. He wanted to curl up with her, wanted to be inside her, wanted to taste her, wanted to be reassured by the look in her eyes that this really was okay. That he could somehow have his cake and eat it too.

 

*****

Chad stayed in his room through dinner. Apparently so did Jensen, because Jared came barging in just after eight o'clock to find ask "What the fuck is going on?"

"Jared, I can't --"

Jared studied him with his own slightly squinty gaze and then said, "Tell me you didn't try to fuck Danneel."

Chad's eyes widened because how the fuck had he guessed that?

"Jesus, Chad! She's --"

"It's not like that," he cut in. "I didn't… Well, okay I did, but not like you think."

Jared turned to leave, muttering "Un-fucking-believable" as he closed the door behind him. Chad heard his footsteps down to the basement then some muttering and then a shouted "What!?"

Chad wasn't sure he wanted to know what Jensen had told him. But then a few seconds later Jared was barging into his room saying, "Fix this shit. I don't care how you do it, just fix it. I'm going over to Gen's. I'll crash with her tonight. Just … let the dogs out later and fix this shit."

"Umm."

"Never mind the dogs; I'll take them with me. Just … Go down there and…do whatever it is you do to apologize and…_fix this_."

A few minutes later Chad heard the front door close behind Jared and the dogs. He took a deep breath, squared his shoulders, and headed downstairs. Jensen must have been waiting for him because he'd barely pulled his hand back from knocking on the door before it opened.

His hair was wet and he was wearing nothing but pajama pants and his glasses. So gorgeous and vulnerable somehow and Chad couldn't do it. He couldn't get a single word out because if he spoke the only thing he would have been able to say was, "I think I'm in love with you." Maybe with a "fuck me" on the end to show just how desperate he was.

Instead he turned and ran back to his room.

** _Figuring Things Out_ **

> _So I went down there to apologize and he was looking so damn hot and I ran away and now I_

 

_Knock. Knock._

Chad froze, pen in hand, then turned to stare at the door. Jared was gone. There was no one else home but Jensen. Chad capped his pen, set it down, and pushed his chair back. There was another knock as he moved across the room. "Shit, shit, shit," he muttered to himself. What if Jensen slugged him or something?

He didn't need to worry though, because when he opened the door, Jensen grabbed his shirt and pulled him close for a kiss. A hot, messy kiss. A kiss that left both of them gasping for breath and made Chad wonder what the hell Danneel was thinking in sharing her boyfriend for even one night. The girl was crazy.

Jensen grabbed Chad's hip with his free hand and nudged him backward, into the room. He kicked the door closed behind him and pushed Chad onto his bed.

"Sorry I freaked on you."

"Me too."

That was it. What else was there to say, really? With Kenzie or Sophia or any woman really, Chad would have been expected to discuss his _feelings_. He said a brief thanks to the gods of gay sex that men didn't have the same expectations and pushed Jensen's pajama pants down on his hips. Jensen, in return, unfastened Chad's pants and worked them open and down far enough to press their cocks together.

Chad spread his legs as far as he could, welcoming Jensen's weight above him as they rocked together. He held Jensen's hips then moved his grip to his ass, pulling him closer, relishing the friction between them. It felt at once like forever and no time at all before he was coming, Jensen right after, soaking the hem of Chad's T-shirt and slicking both their stomachs. They tried to kiss but ended up just gasping against each other's mouth.

One of them said, "Fuck." The answer was, "Yeah."

 

*****

They spent free time together whenever they could. Usually with Jared there too. They watched baseball and movies and played video games until football season started. Then there was cheering (from Jensen), groaning (from Chad), and laughter at the two of them (from Jared) over T.O.'s trade to Buffalo.

This led to some "Romo the homo" comments (from Chad), followed by a shrug and "I wouldn't turn him down" (from Jensen), and a surprising "me neither" (from Jared) that brought a quiet stillness to the room that had previously only existed when no one was home. The silence was finally broken when Chad said, "At least your beard knows the difference between tuna and chicken."

It was great. Chad and Jensen were becoming friends more and more. They had fun goofing off together.

The sex wasn't bad either.

 

*****

Chad and Danneel texted each other constantly and Chad followed her Twitter. They didn't really feel the distance between them too much.

Within seconds of Danneel posting pictures from Dallas, Chad was on his phone.

To Jensen -- You can't ride a bike in flip flops. And where are your helmets?

To Chad -- nag, nag, nag

To Jensen -- fuck you

To Chad -- see you in 2 days

Whether or not Chad sent back _&lt;3_ is something no one's admitted to. All sent and received message folders have been erased.

 

*****

Things had been going good. Chad was going to a nearby coffee shop most mornings to work on script ideas then spending the afternoons in the kitchen working on the next great American novel. The latter was mostly doodles in his journal, but he was getting there.

> _  
> Ode (sonnet though - but doesn't ode sound better?)  
> Ode to a sexy couple the loves of my life (note to self -- this should be iambic-pentameter -- fix in revisions)_
> 
> I see you looking at each other --  
> Beauty, brilliance, sex, and humor.  
> She smiles and catches your attention.  
> Your smile back is pure affection.  
> And once you're moving in her direction,  
> You'll understand all her intentions.  
> Until that day you can't imagine,  
> how she pulled us both into her trap.  
> Her motor turns over like an engine,  
> as she traces my body like a map. (note -- this bit isn't working! REVISE! REVISE!)

 

"How's the writing going?" Jared asked.

Chad looked up to see that Jared was in the kitchen with him. He hadn't even heard him come in, he was so focused on his sonnet/ode. "Pretty good. I'm writing poems and general life stuff in the journal every day. And I've been working on a pilot script that I want to shop to the CW."

"Really? What's it about?"

"It's a comic book show like _Smallville_, except it's hot chicks -- Huntress, Black Canary, Batgirl." He grinned and nodded and may have made some 'bow-chicka-bow-wow' sounds to illustrate his point about the hot chicks.

Jared just stared at him.

"What? Tell me people wouldn't watch that."

"People wouldn't watch that. The WB tried it years ago and people didn't watch it."

"Really?"

"Really."

"Huh."

Jensen walked into the room and smiled shyly at Chad before pulling a beer out of the fridge.

Chad smiled at him then laughed before saying. "Maybe I could do a show about some child soldiers with animal DNA and stuff in them. A post-apocalyptic world."

"Dude. That's --"

"Been done. I know."

"Don't remind me," Jensen chimed in.

"Hey, Michael Weatherly was awesome on that show," Chad said. "You should've got some acting advice from him. Then you could be on a hit show like he is."

"Fuck you." Simultaneous curses from Jared and Jensen. A great cap to a great day. Now if he could just get a blowjob to finish it off.

"But seriously. I'm uh… I'm working on a memoir. And a screenplay about a happy goth kid in rural Alabama. I thought it'd pair well with _The Vampire Diaries_ next year."

They both stared at him and then Jensen drained his beer and said, "I'm going to bed."

"Want some company?" Chad asked as Jensen headed out of the room. Jensen didn't answer or look back. Chad wasn't surprised. He waggled his eyebrows and Jared and said a good night before following Jensen down to his room.

 

*****

Jared was amazingly quiet about the whole thing, for which Chad was grateful. He wasn't ready to find out which of Jared's best friends would be on the receiving end of the "hurt him and die" speech.

Mostly Jared just treated them the same as he always had. Even when he caught them making out on the couch, or in the kitchen, or that one time in his own bedroom (Chad really could explain it -- if Jared gave him a few days to come up with something), Jared just rolled his eyes at them and said, "Get a room."

 

*****

"Things seem to be going good for you two." Danneel had Jensen spread out on the guest bed his parents had put in his old bedroom. There were still cheerleading trophies on the bookcase along with copies of _Hamlet_ and _Great Expectations_. And his girlfriend was fucking him nice and slow with a big fat strap-on cock and talking about the guy Jensen was fucking back in Vancouver.

It was a little surreal.

Chad and Danneel would think it was great. Going by repeated conversations over the weekend, Danneel _did_ think it was great.

"So hot, baby. Spread out like this, taking everything I give you."

"Unh" was about all he could manage. He'd lost the ability to speak the moment she'd pushed inside him.

"You should get a place. Move out of Jared's and get a place together." She must have seen his confusion since she rolled her eyes and clarified, "You and Chad, silly. It's not like you're not sleeping together most every night anyway. Get a place. Take him with you. Okay?"

She sped up her pace a bit but when he didn't reply she stopped moving altogether. Just held still inside him as she leaned forward and kissed him soft and sweet.

"Okay, baby?"

"Yeah," he said. "Okay."

He wasn't really sure what he'd just agreed to.

 

*****

They went to the airport together to get Danneel. She came through Customs and Jensen walked right up and gave her a hug and kiss. Chad hung back unsure of where he fit in. He shifted his weight back and forth and tugged at the hem of his T-shirt while trying not to look at the two of them. They were so beautiful together. And, God, he was turning into a sap.

He turned away to observe other people, telling himself it was research for his writing. Maybe he'd be inspired, come up with a story idea about love at the international arrivals gate. Some awesome screenplay. Hugh Grant could star in it. Surely no one had thought of that before.

He didn't realize how lost in his thoughts he was until Danneel's arms were around him. She kissed his cheek and whispered "hey you" against his skin.

He managed a week "hey" in response and returned the hug. He wanted to kiss her. _Really_ kiss her. And then kiss Jensen for comparison. But they were in public and someone with a camera-phone would no doubt catch the moment and have it on the Web within minutes. And he was smart enough to know that the rumors such pictures would lead to wouldn't help him get another invitation into Jensen's bed.

"Let's get out of here," Danneel said.

"'Kay." He nodded and looked over at Jensen whose face went from curious to blank in a second. He didn't like either expression. He wanted to see Jensen smiling. Wanted to see his eyes glaze over with lust. Wanted to see them shine with teasing. Wanted to see them soften as he watched Danneel sleep.

"So how's the next great American novel coming?" she asked as they headed for the car. He could hear the air quotes. It was nice to have her snarking at him in person instead of in text messages.

 

*****

Just a few steps into the house, Danneel turned to Chad and pulled him in for a kiss. Her mouth was so soft and warm and he let himself fall into it only to whimper moments later when she pulled away and headed for the kitchen.

"What's for dinner?" she asked as she opened the fridge and pulled out a bottle of water. Chad was happy to see that Jensen seemed as unenthused about dinner as he was.

"Dann --" Jensen started only to be cut off.

"Let me guess, you boys wanna get straight to the sex part of the evening."

Chad had been waiting over a month. At least Jensen had spent a weekend down in Dallas with her. Chad had spent that weekend holed up in his room beating off to his wild imaginings about all the things they might be doing.

Both guys nodded -- although while Chad looked eager, Jensen just looked eager to get it over with and be sure it would be okay. Danneel smiled at them both. "All right. Let's go." She winked at Jensen as she pushed between the two of them before heading down the stairs to Jensen's room. The guys looked at each other and then Chad made an 'after you' motion and followed Jensen's lead.

Chad didn't think they had been that far behind Danneel, but they entered the room to find her lying on the bed in her bra and panties, dress and shoes already abandoned on the floor. "You" -- she pointed to Jensen -- "naked. Now. _You_" -- she turned her gaze to Chad and then pointed to the settee at the foot of the bed -- "can sit and watch. You can touch yourself, get naked, whatever. But no joining in."

Chad's disappointment must have shown on his face because she followed up her words with a wicked smile and the word "yet."

_No joining in. Yet._ Chad could go for that. No problem. As Jensen climbed onto the bed, his clothes abandoned by the bed, Chad realized that he really couldn't complain about not being allowed to touch. _Yet._ After all, he was about to watch the hottest couple he'd ever seen fuck right before his eyes. A live and in-person porn show just an arm's reach away. _Jesus._

He thought for a moment he might come in his pants before anything even happened.

Danneel was pushy in bed -- something that Chad found not at all surprising. Sweet and innocent in public, a firecracker in the bedroom. Plus, he'd heard her in the bathroom at that bar a few months earlier. Jensen, on the other hand, was quiet and started out slow. Unless he was drunk and then all bets were off.

Right now, though, he was taking his lead from Danneel. She directed him to the middle of the bed and had him lay back, arms and legs spread a little. She leaned over him, her ass and pussy not really covered by a flimsy white thong that she pushed up in Chad's face as she crawled up Jensen's body.

She stopped for a quick kiss and murmured something against Jensen's lips before rising up on her knees and shifting forward to place her crotch right over his face. Chad reached down and pressed the heel of his hand to his throbbing cock, then groaned and pressed harder as Jensen's tongue swept along the string of Danneel's panties.

_Fuck. I'm gonna die._ He popped the top button on his jeans. _But what a way to go._

Chad couldn't believe what he was seeing, what he was hearing. "Suck me, baby. Make me come all over your face." _Fuck._ Danneel was grinding herself against Jensen's face, her head thrown back, one hand gripping the headboard while she played with her breasts with the other.

She glanced over her shoulder and said, "Unhook my bra." Chad didn't hesitate to move forward and do as he'd been told. She grinned at him and then looked pointedly at the settee again. Chad went back to his place at the foot of the bed, reminding himself that his time would come. Even if it was him and his right hand later.

Jensen's hands came up to hold Danneel still when she started rocking and panting harder. His fingers gripped her hips tightly and Chad could hear him groaning and humming against Danneel's sex and then she was coming. "Yes" and "oh baby" and "want you" and "need you" poured from her mouth as Jensen kept tonguing her until finally she pushed his hands away and slid back, impaling herself on Jensen's cock so fast Chad would have hit Rewind to see it again if he could.

_Shit._ She still had her panties on, her skimpy thong pulled to one side. Chad had done that with Kenzie once and the string had chafed the side of him so bad he'd had to stop after just a few strokes and get the thing off of her. Jensen didn't seem to mind the chafing. Or maybe he just didn't notice. Chad shifted so he could see Jensen's face and the look was pure bliss. His cheeks, chin, and neck even, were shiny with the evidence of Danneel's pleasure.

Jensen was smiling, his eyes fixed on Danneel until they weren't. Suddenly he was staring at Chad while he gripped Danneel's hips and set a faster pace. "You like this?" he asked and Chad wasn't sure which of them he was speaking to. Both maybe. He nodded then pulled his shirt off and nudged his jeans farther down on his hips, letting his cock jut out so Jensen could see just how much he was enjoying this.

Danneel bent over, pressing her chest to Jensen's, letting Jensen pound into her hard and fast. Chad couldn't take his eyes away from the sight of Jensen's cock thrusting again and again into her pussy. She was so wet. He'd heard that about redheads once -- _redheads are wet_ somebody had told him -- but he'd always just laughed and rolled his eyes. He didn't know if it was true about all of them, but it was definitely true about Danneel. Jensen's cock was so slick, so beautiful sliding in and out of her. And then there was wetness everywhere as she shuddered and gasped, her thighs squeezing against Jensen's hips as she came all over. He'd heard about that too, seen it in videos even, but up close like this? Never.

_Fuck me, that shit is hot._

Danneel whispered something into Jensen's ear and Chad glanced up to see him nod in reply. Then she lifted off him and turned around. "You wanna play too, baby?" Chad could barely manage a whispered "yes" -- his throat dry, his mind blank. Any other time, any other person, he would have balked at being called "baby". But now he squeezed the base of his cock and stared as Danneel pushed her panties down over hips then off her legs before straddling Jensen again. This time she was facing Chad as she lowered herself. She reached down and stroked her clit as she sank onto Jensen's cock. Chad could see how slick he was with Danneel's juices. He wanted a taste. God, did he want a taste.

Danneel must have read his mind, because once she was in place, she shifted her legs and then lay back against Jensen's chest and crooked a finger at Chad. "Hands and mouth only. Show us what you've got." She relaxed and shifted a little more and then moaned in pleasure as Jensen thrust up into her from below. Chad could see everything.

He hesitated for a moment before moving forward. He gripped Danneel's thighs as he dropped his head down and ran his tongue up from the base of Jensen's cock, to where he pressed inside Danneel, and then up over her clit. He was lost, drowning in them, but not so far gone as to miss Danneel's, "Fuck, yes. More."

Chad was only too happy to oblige. He licked at them both, sucked at Jensen's balls and Danneel's clit. He slipped a finger inside her next to Jensen's cock and got it nice and wet then pressed gently at Jensen's opening until he relaxed and Chad's finger slid in smooth and easy. He fingered Jensen in time with Jensen's thrusts into Danneel and used his mouth on both of them.

His aching cock pressed against the sheets, seeking what friction he could get, but he was patient. He knew that even if he was left to jerk himself off alone in the shower later, it would be worth it. This moment was worth it. His jaw ached, but he didn't care, he just pressed closer, sucked Danneel's clit harder, fingered Jensen faster and then Jensen was groaning, his legs shuddering as he pumped Danneel full of come.

Chad dove down and sucked Jensen's balls as his orgasm ran through him. And when Jensen shifted to let his cock slide out of her, Chad's mouth was there to catch the gush of come and juices sliding from Danneel's cunt. It tasted like heaven. He thrust his tongue in and out, sucking it all up until all that was left was the taste of Danneel. He looked up through his lashes to see Jensen's hand sliding down to tease Danneel's clit, his free hand pinching and pulling her nipples.

"Fuck," she ground out. "So close. So fucking close."

Without warning Chad shoved three fingers inside her and pushed Jensen's hand away with his nose. He sucked hard at her clit while pumping his fingers against her G-spot and then she was screaming and gushing over his hand and he kept going -- sucking and pressing. Jensen's hands came down to pull her legs wider apart and hold her still as she bucked against Chad's mouth and hand.

Finally Danneel's own hand came down and gently pushed him away as she choked out a, "Please… no more." Chad pulled back and returned to his place at the foot of the bed

His cock was throbbing with need, but he didn't touch it. He reached up to wipe the slick mix of saliva and come from his chin while he watched Jensen and Danneel shift apart and roll so that they lay face to face with just enough space between them for Chad. When Jensen smiled at him and patted the empty space, Chad didn't hesitate.

He wasn't sure whose hand was on him first, but the first kiss was from Jensen. "Relax." The order pushed into his mouth with Jensen's tongue was one Chad wasn't going to question or refuse. He felt himself sink into the plush mattress beneath him only to arch up again at the feel of Danneel's mouth sucking his nipple. She teased him with lips and teeth and tongue, working both nipples to such arousal that he was about to push her away when she moved lower on her own. Jensen's mouth nipped his jaw, his ear, his neck. Kept coming back to his mouth, swallowing his need for breath, his bitten back words of encouragement.

"Please," he gasped.

Jensen squeezed his cock, gave a slow easy pull and said, "Please, what?"

Danneel giggled and he felt her mouth low on his stomach, his hip, her tongue tracing his scar. "Beg for it, baby."

"Please… please, I wanna… I wanna come." Wet heat engulfed his cock, long hair teasing the flesh of his hips and thighs as Danneel moved fast. "Not gonna -- _fuck_."

He was coming in Danneel's mouth and Jensen was kissing him and saying, "That's it. Yeah." Somebody was rolling his balls in their hand -- Jensen, it had to be.

Then he felt them both pull away from him slightly and he opened his eyes -- not even realizing he'd been squeezing them tight -- to see them kissing over his body. Jensen licking the taste of Chad from Danneel's mouth and he felt another twitch in his cock, an ache in his balls.

"You were right," Danneel said. "He does taste good."

He could stay here forever, if only they'd let him.

 

*****

Jensen slipped out of the bed, leaving Chad snoozing with one arm draped over Danneel and his face buried in her hair. It wasn't something he'd ever expected to see in his bed. Not just the Chad part -- although that was pretty weird -- but another person period. A threesome that ended with the third person getting dressed and leaving after, maybe. But falling asleep curled up with his lover? He'd never expected to see that and smile, to want to lean over and kiss them both and ruffle their hair and crawl back in with them.

He pressed a soft kiss to Danneel's head and then pulled on a pair of jeans that he quickly realized were not his. He wasn't fat, Chad was just crazy skinny. Especially since the break up with Kenzie had left him moping and not eating for a while. Jensen pushed the jeans back down his legs and found his own pair halfway under the bed. On his way out of the room, he snagged a T-shirt.

He came up the stairs to find Jared in the living room. "Nice shirt," he said with a smirk.

Jensen didn't have to glance down to know it wasn't his own. He could tell by the snug fit. But he just shrugged and moved toward the kitchen for some water.

Jared followed him and leaned against the counter. "So…"

Jensen arched an eyebrow and said, "So?"

Jared looked around like he was expecting paparazzi to be listening in or something. "Are they both down there?" He glanced meaningfully at the stairs.

Jensen could feel the blush heating his neck and face. It's not like he expected to keep it a secret from Jared -- he was still living in his house, after all. And Chad was Jared's best friend. And Jared already knew that he and Chad had been fooling around. And he knew that Jensen was still with Danneel. But Jensen hadn't really shared the whole idea of the three of them. "Uh… yeah," he said.

Jared stared at him for a minute and then said, "Is this what you want?"

"I don't know... I never --"

"Cause he's in love with you man. With both of you. And --"

"I'm not gonna hurt him. At least...not on purpose."

Jared nodded at him. "'Kay. Guess that's all I can ask."

Now it was Jensen's turn to nod.

"Oh," Jared said. "One more thing -- you might tell Danny to, uh, scream into a pillow or something. That girl is loud."

Jensen felt his face heat up again. "I uh...I'm gettin' a new place. We're supposed to meet with a Realtor tomorrow. Should be out of here soon."

"You don't have to go, Jen. Just... you know... turn down the volume a bit. A guy could get jealous upstairs with nothing but the dogs and some peanut butter."

"Ewww." They both turned to see Danneel coming into the kitchen, Chad a few paces behind looking deliciously disheveled.

"Eh," Chad chimed in, "as long as it's creamy and not crunchy, it's not so bad."

"You know what?" Jared turned back to Jensen, his expression serious once again. "House hunting sounds like a great idea. Take him" -- he tipped his head at Chad -- "with you, please." Then he left the room calling out for Harley and Sadie. Jensen was sure he heard something like, "Did Uncle Chad ever touch you in the bad way?"

"I was kidding. Jeez." He pulled the peanut butter out of the cupboard, grabbed a spoon from the drawer next to Jensen's hip, smiled at him, and said, "Peanut butter and sex with _humans_, however, is fucking awesome."

"Shoot me now," Jensen muttered to himself. What had he gotten himself into?

 

*****

"I like this one," Danneel said. She squeezed Jensen's hand and pulled him down the hall and back to the master suite. "Plenty of room for a Nice. Big. Bed."

"Yeah." They'd been to more houses than he could count over the last few days. Now it was Sunday and he just wanted to be done. Danneel was heading back to North Carolina in the morning and he and Jared were due back on set. At Jared's there was football on TV and beer in the fridge and..._Chad_.

"Backyard for the dogs. An extra room for Chad to set up an office to write."

"About that..." Jensen rocked on his heels, couldn't quite look her in the eye.

"You change your mind?" She'd been cool with it all from the start. She liked Chad. She wasn't into him the way Jensen was, but she liked him. She was certainly cool with the sex. But asking Chad to live with them, giving him his own room to write but expecting him in their bed every night, having him somehow be a part of _them_? That was different. Knowing it'd be just Chad and Jensen in that bed when she was away filming? Jensen suddenly wasn't so sure.

Or maybe not so suddenly. He'd been unsure from the beginning. That trip to Dallas a few weeks earlier, Danneel laying him back in his childhood bedroom and slowly fucking him stupid with a strap-on, that had had him saying yes. But it hadn't necessarily changed his mind. He dared anyone to say no to anything while being fucked slow and easy by Danneel.

"I'm just --"

"Scared? It's okay to admit it. There's plenty of room here, but you can also leave Chad with Jared for now. I just thought... I thought you liked him. Liked spending time with him. And with me gone all the time..."

"I know. I do. I -- I want him here. I just don't want to lose you by wanting him."

Danneel laughed. "I'm not going nowhere, baby." She wrapped her arms around him and leaned up close enough to kiss him. But instead of kissing, she whispered against his mouth, "Who else would beg me to fuck him during the Cowboys' game? And who else has such a pretty, pretty mouth to suck my big black cock so good? Who else would help me d-p Chad Michael Murray. _On video_? Hmm? Not going anywhere. Now let's sign some papers so we can go watch some football and fuck."

Jensen could barely hold the pen steady as he thought about the two of them inside Chad at once. On video. The two of them would be the death of him.

 

*****

They didn't really have drunken fumblings any more. Danneel was going back and forth to North Carolina regularly, leaving them all exhausted on Monday mornings. When she wasn't around Jensen was so tired from work that they did little more than have a beer and trade blowjobs before going to sleep. Some nights he got home from the set after Chad was already in bed. When Jensen crawled into bed behind him, Chad would reach over and switch on the alarm for the next morning. He'd get up with Jensen and start coffee while Jensen showered and then kiss him good-bye at the door before starting his own day of writing.

It was the most domestic he'd ever felt. The closest to married he'd ever really felt. Hands down the best he'd ever felt.

He ignored the voice in his head saying it wouldn't last. That voice had screwed him in the past. He wasn't fucking things up this time around.

 

*****

Chad was standing at the kitchen counter, eating a bowl of cereal when Danneel came up behind him and rubbed his ass. "Not quite ready to sit down?" He could hear the smile in her voice before seeing her face. He'd missed her smile while she was gone, had even watched the show just to see that smile. (And the great legs in all those miniskirts.)

He huffed a laugh and said, "Yeah." Danneel moved to the other side of the island so she could look at him. The smile was there, but it was soft and so was the look in her eyes. "Not that I'm complaining," he added.

Her grin turned saucy. "That's what I like to hear."

It was good to have her back. Good for all of them. "That wasn't an offer to do it again tonight."

She laughed and said, "Oh come on. That ass of yours… you took us both like a pro."

"Hardly," he muttered.

There must have been something on his face that gave him away because she suddenly got all serious on him and actually sounded concerned when she asked, "You had done that before, right? I mean… it seemed so easy."

"I uh… no. Not that. Before Jensen…"

"Before Jensen what?"

"Before Jensen I never…"

"Not buying the whole virgin-Chad thing."

He rolled his eyes. "I fucked guys before, Dann. I just never… I always did the fucking."

Danneel's eyes grew wide. "What? You never bottomed before?"

"Not with a guy."

"Not with a --" She broke off with a sly grin. "Kenzie? Or Sophia?"

"Kenzie."

"Huh. I didn't think the girl had it in her." She looked like she was thinking about looking Kenzie up for a little action when she went back to Wilmington. "She always struck me as totally vanilla."

"She was. I mean… I had to ask for it, show her how." He was sure he his face was beet red by now.

"Mmm-hmm. Maybe that should have been your first clue."

"Clue? About what?"

"That you're gay."

"I'm not -- if I were would I be all over you?"

"You're not all over me. I'm wearing a t-shirt and nothing else and you didn't even look at me when I walked in the room. Sure, you don't mind fucking me, but it's Jensen you're into." She shrugged and stole his cup of coffee. "It's cool. I like fucking you, I like having you here, I like that you love Jensen. We both love him, we don't have to love each other."

He didn't dare look up to see the expression on her face. He wasn't sure he could deal with it. He finished his bagel and poured himself a glass of orange juice, all the while thinking about Jensen still asleep in their bed and where he really stood in this relationship.

"You've practically got blood coming out of your ears, your brain's working so hard." Chad looked up to see Danneel studying him. "What's going on in there?" She reached across the counter and squeezed his hand; he melted under the soft touch and gentle look on her face.

"Do you think he'll ever …" He swallowed and took a deep breath. "You think he'll ever let me fuck him?"

"Is that important to you? Getting to fuck him? Being on top?"

"Yes. No. I -- Not in the sense of needing to be on top. But… I let you guys do anything to me. _Anything._ And I just … He's so closed off sometimes. I want him to let me in."

"It's hard for him. That level of trust."

"But -- after last night, after the way I've trusted both of you these last months… I just --"

"Just what?" They both turned to see Jensen leaning in the doorway waiting for Chad to finish.

"I wanna know this means as much to you as it does to me."

"Uh…" Jensen rubbed the back of his neck and looked at the floor, the ceiling, out the window into the backyard. Everywhere but at Chad or Danneel. "Isn't it kinda early for such a serious discussion?"

"Right. Sorry." Chad rinsed his empty juice glass and put it in the sink before leaving the room, careful not to brush up against Jensen when he passed him in the doorway.

 

*****

"He's in love with you."

Jensen moved across the room to stare out the window above the sink. The lawn needed cutting. He hated yard work. He'd ask Chad -- No. Given his behavior, Chad was probably packing his bags to go back to Jared's. Or worse, back to LA. _Fuck._

"Did you hear what I said? He's --"

"Yeah. I heard you. But he's not. He's in love with some idea --"

"You're so full of it. Sure, he fell in love with the idea of _us_. But then he got to know us. Got to know you really, because he already knew me. He fell in _love_ with you, asshole."

Jensen spun around to face here. "And where does that leave us? What am I supposed to do about you and me, Dann. I can't give him what he wants. I'm in love with you."

"You can't love us both?"

"It doesn't work that way."

"Why not? It seemed to be working that way just fine until you were asked to actually put it into words."

He hated it when her being right meant that he was wrong. But -- How? How could it work?

"Nothing has to change," she said. "Nothing except maybe putting a few words to your feelings. Letting him know. Letting him _in._"

"Letting him fuck me."

"That's not what it's about. Sure he wants to fuck you. Who doesn't?" She grinned and let her eyes run up and down his body. A brief moment of playfulness to lighten the mood. "But what he really wants is to be in your heart, baby."

He turned back toward the window, bracing his hands on the edge of the sink and staring down the drain. "I don't know how."

"Sure you do. You did it with me. And you're already halfway there with him. You feel it, you just have to find a way to say it."

He felt her arms slide around his waist, her body pressed against his back.

"You're really okay with this," he asked.

She half laughed. "Believe me. If I weren't, you'd know it. He's a good guy, a good friend. And he's good with you. That's all I care about."

"That and his willingness to do whatever you tell him in bed."

"Yeah, that doesn't hurt either."

"Let me get a shower and then… I'll talk to him."

 

*****

> _  
> my lips  
> my teeth  
> my tongue  
> your cock_
> 
> my mistake  
> my disgrace  
> my misplace-  
> ment of my heart
> 
>  
> 
> Fuck me and my stupid big mouth. This is how things always go for me. I open my mouth and the wrong thing comes out. I say something I don't mean. Except this time I meant it. They both mean something to me. I just want to mean something to them.
> 
> With Danny I know it's just friendship and sex, but it's a real friendship. And that's fine. With Jensen -- I just don't know where I stand at all. He's so -- He's here and then he's not. With me and then not. And I just don't know what to do with that. I want

 

Chad put his pen down at the knock on the door. For a tiny second he thought about pretending he wasn't there. But he wasn't stupid enough to think that would really work. "Come in." Spoken just loud enough to be heard.

The door opened and Chad looked up to see Danneel standing there. "When you're ready, come downstairs."

He stared at her blankly. He didn't know what to say, didn't know what her invitation meant. Were they going to ask him to leave? Was it over? He'd fallen so fast and maybe he shouldn't have expected them to be in the same place as him. But he needed… He needed.

"Trust me," she said as she pulled the door closed again and left him to his thoughts.

> _I want him to want me._

 

*****

Jensen took a long hot shower. Danneel had peeked her head in to say that she'd asked Chad to join them downstairs when he was ready. That meant he was going to have to get out of the shower at some point to actually be there when (and if) Chad deemed them worthy of his company.

He'd fucked up. He knew he'd fucked up. But he wasn't ready. Things had been so good, but he just couldn't quite go there yet. It wasn't even about being fucked…

He turned off the water, dried off, and slipped into a pair of loose pajama pants and T-shirt. He put on his glasses and stared at himself in the mirror for a minute before taking a deep breath and heading down to the living room.

Danneel was curled up on one corner of the sofa, watching a rebroadcast of the VMAs. He saw some teeny bopper pop star on the screen and was grateful she'd muted the sound. "You okay," she asked?

"Yeah. You?"

She smiled encouragingly and said, "Yeah. I'm here for whatever you need."

He nodded and sat down on the other end of the couch, hands between his knees, gaze focused on the floor. He must have zoned out for a minute because he didn't hear Chad enter the room. He only realized he was there when Chad flopped down into the empty space between him and Danneel.

"Hey."

"Hey."

"So uh… I can get a truck tomorrow to take my things back to Jared's."

"So you're leaving then."

"If that's what you want."

"What?" Jensen's brow crinkled in confusion. "I don't -- I don't want you to go. I don't _ever_ want you to go."

"But you wanted to talk and you're all --"

"I wanted to explain why I haven't… why I'm not ready…"

"You're not asking me to leave?"

"No."

"We like having you here, Chad." Thank god for Danneel chiming in.

"Okay." He half smiled, still clearly uncertain what was going on.

"I'm … I'm scared," Jensen admitted. "Scared to let you in too deep. I just … I need to take it slow."

"Slow? You two double-penned me last night." He huffed a laugh. "That's your idea of slow?"

"Kinda?" Jensen could feel himself blushing.

"That was sorta my doing," Danneel said. "It wasn't exactly discussed beforehand. If I'd asked Jensen he probably would have fled the house like a girl."

"Hey! Don't insult my manhood."

"Yeah, yeah, yeah. We all know who has the biggest 'manhood' in this house," she said with a grin.

"Anyway… I… uh… I suck at this emotions crap."

Chad just nodded at him. So encouraging. Not.

"Uh… I'm not ready to let you fuck me yet, but… I promise it'll happen. Soon. I'm in it for the long haul. If you're in it with me."

Chad looked over at Danneel. "What about you?"

"What about me? Same as I said earlier in the kitchen. I love him. He loves you. I want him to be happy. I want _you_ to be happy. I'm good with whatever you two work out."

Chad nodded and copied Jensen's earlier position -- leaning forward and staring at the floor. His voice was soft, a gravelly whisper of, "If you're never ready that's okay. I don't need to --"

Jensen cut him off with, "I want you to."

Chad looked up at him and hopefully could see the truth in Jensen's eyes. "Okay."

"So" -- Danneel shifted down to the floor in front of them and smiled her most wicked smile -- "now we stop all this mushy shit and fuck?"

"I don't think my ass is up for another round." Chad was blushing and fidgeting in his seat.

"Who said we wanted to fuck your ass again? Maybe it's my turn to get fucked in this house. Come on, boys. Two holes are better than one, right?"

They both watched her swing her hips as she headed upstairs to the bedroom.

"Did she just offer…?"

"Oh yeah. You think you're up for it?" Jensen asked, not that he needed to. Chad's cock was tenting his pants already.

 

*****

> _  
> Ode to D-P-ing Danneel_
> 
> Double. Penetration.  
> Every man's fantasy -- a dream come true with you.  
> Two holes -- tight and wet.  
> His cock rubbing mine through the thin wall between your ass and cunt.  
> Our balls grazing.  
> Kissing you. Kissing him. You kissing him.  
> Your ass squeezing me tight as you come all over his cock.  
> Holy shit.   
> Fantastic.


	4. Chapter 4

** _Two years later_ **

Jensen and Danneel were curled up on the couch watching Monday Night Football when Chad came into the room with his book in hand. A box had arrived that afternoon; Danneel had signed for it and left it on the kitchen counter for him. Chad knew what was inside as soon as he saw the box -- the advance copies of his book: _F*cking: A Love Story_.

He looked down at the cover and smiled. Plain text with three interlocking rings in the background. He held the book up to them and said, "My book! It's finally done."

They smiled and Jensen reached out for Chad to hand it over. He laughed and shook his head at the front -- the same reaction he'd had when Chad had first told them the title. Then he flipped it over to read the copy on the back.

" '_F*cking: A Love Story_ is the tale of Chaz Mitchell Murphy's journey to find his voice as a writer after retiring from a successful career in film and television.' " Jensen laughed. "Film? What _successful film_ did you ever make?"

"Fuck you."

"Later," Danneel said with a grin.

Jensen smiled at their familiar banter and continued to read. " 'It is also the story of how he found love and happiness in the arms of Daniel Harrison and Jennifer Eckleston--' Couldn't you have changed our names a little more? Jesus, Chad, someone's going to figure this out."

"No one's going to figure it out. People aren't that smart."

"I'd wager they're not that stupid," Danneel said.

"What?" Both of them looked at her in confusion.

"Like anyone's going to believe that _we_" -- she motioned to Jensen and herself -- "would get involved with you. Seriously, with your reputation? I think our secret's safe for a while."

Jensen cracked up, but Chad wasn't quite so amused. "Thanks a lot, Danny."

"Don't call me that."

"Would you rather I called you Jenny?"

"Fuck you."

"Thought you said 'later'?"

"Yeah, well maybe I changed my mind."

"Okay." He took his book from Jensen's hand and dropped it on the coffee table, then grabbed both their hands and pulled them toward their bedroom.

The End

**Chad's Memoir**

 

[title page]

F*CKING:  
A LOVE STORY

CHAZ MITCHELL MURPHY

 

Douchebag Publications  
[/title page]

 

[dedication]

 

I got the remedy, it's you on me and me on you  
And you on me and me on you and you on her  
Then her on me and her on you and y'all on me  
Then me on y'all and y'all on me  
Ménage á trios, ménage á tr-uh-uh

_\-- from "Bounce" by Timbaland_  


 

[/dedication]

 

** _Preface_ **

_It was never easy for me. I was born a poor black child. I remember the days, sittin' on the porch with my family, singin' and dancin' down in Mississippi._*

If only. In reality, I was born a poor white boy in upstate New York. My momma was a crack whore and my daddy was always working trying to support me and my seventeen siblings. He didn't do so well, so it was left to me to move to Hollywood and sell my ass to Tommy Hilfiger to put beanie weenies on the table for all my little brothers and sisters. This is not, however, the story of how Hollywood changed my life -- you can read that shit on IMDb. And I won't bore you with the details of my departure from the network. You can find that shit on the Internet too. (Actually, you can't because I've changed the names here to protect the innocent. Thems the breaks.)

This is the story of how I spent the year after leaving my starring role on a craptastic teen drama discovering my voice as a writer and falling in love with the two most amazing people in the world.

When my show decided they could pay a bunch of shitty actors or they could pay me, my contract was not renewed. That was okay though; I was ready to move on. I was tired of playing a squinty-eyed whiner.

Kendra and I moved back to LA permanently. Things were good. We were in love. We traveled some; we partied some; we took the occasional hot chick home to fuck together. Life was good. And then one afternoon Kendra suggested that maybe it was time we see other people. I think she worried that she was holding me back, what with being younger and not having the same success as me. I argued that I loved her and told her I'd be there for her whatever she chose for her career. After all, it wasn't like I was going to marry her without a prenup. But she said no, that it just wasn't going to work. A few weeks later I saw her in a bar with a new guy -- probably some loser from the CW network -- the next Pacey Witter or Clark Kent or some shit. It wouldn't surprise me if they'd been fucking all along.

The split was good for me though. I'd been wanting to focus on my writing, to really find myself and my inner voice. I took the break-up as a chance to focus on me -- on my wants and needs for a change. I went to stay with a friend and got into a routine. Wake up around 10am, go to Starbucks for coffee, sit down at a table with my moleskin book -- Hemingway did his writing in a moleskin book, you know -- and my fountain pen with dark purple ink, and write. Every day I would write. Notes about what was going on in my life, poetry inspired by the barista and later by my lovers, thoughts about the books I was reading (because everyone knows that in order to be a good writer, you must immerse yourself in the literary world), and scripts for TV pilots.

Words poured from my pen onto the page. One of the results is this book you hold in your hand today.

 

* From The Jerk, 1979.

 

**_Acknowledgments_**  
I'd like to thank the following people for making my life and this book possible: the cast of _Sesame Street_ for helping me learn to read and write; Ernest Hemingway, for being so brilliant and manly and inspiring me to be the same; Daniel and Jennifer for letting me into their lives and loving me (and fucking me); Jerry, for being the best friend a guy could ever have; Sofie for the divorce; and last, but certainly not least, Kendra for suggesting we see other people -- I wouldn't have discovered my true self without leaving you.

Oh yeah, and to my publisher and editor for understanding the integral nature of the erotic scenes within this book. The story would not be the same without those moments.

 

**Excerpts from _F*cking: A Love Story_**

 

** _On "The Break-Up"…_ **

"I think we should see other people," Kendra said.

I was heartbroken. Crushed. Devastated. How could she do this to me? We were destined to be together for all time. She was my soulmate -- the Haley to my inner Nathan, the Lex to my Clark, the Angelina to my Brad, the Hilary to my Bill. It was supposed to be forever. We were going to get married, I was just waiting for my lawyer to draft a prenuptial agreement that left me well protected should she decide to fuck the pool boy. Perhaps my worries about the pool boy should have been a clue. Hindsight is 20/20 and all that.

"What do you mean, see other people?" I asked.

"I mean 'see other people.'" She made stupid air quotes with her fingers and rolled her eyes, all but saying "duh" out loud to me.

"You're breaking up with me?" I asked as a single tear rolled over my perfect cheekbone.

"No," she said. "I mean … we can both date other people. But we'd still be together. Just … you know … seeing other people too."

"You want to fuck other people." All emotion had left me, I was dead inside, my voice flat, my eyes cloudy and wet. "But I only ever wanted to be with you."

She laughed. "Yeah? That why we brought home that brunette last night who looked strikingly like Sofie?" For no reason at all, she threw a lamp at me; it almost hit my shoulder. I'd never seen her act so crazy before.

"I did that for you, baby. All for you." I kept my voice soft and calm, soothing. "I know you like to eat pussy sometimes and you were looking at her like she was a buffet." I'd only ever tried to please her. I understand the attraction to both men and women; I was only being considerate in letting her bring other women into our bed. I didn't want her to feel I was somehow disrespectful of her bisexuality. "I just want you to be happy."

"Well, I'll be happy seeing other people," she practically screamed at me. "Text me when you're out so I can come back to get my stuff." Then she turned and walked out the door.

I sank to my knees and cried, "Kennnnnnnddrrrrrrraaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!!!!!!!!!!!!" But it was too late. She was gone and she was only coming back to get her things while I was out of the house.

*****

When a man's in pain he turns to booze and his friends. I am no exception. I opened a bottle of Jack and drank 'til I passed out. The next morning I called my best friend Jerry. He'd stayed up in Vancouver after he finished filming the season finale of his own television show. Unlike with me, the network had been happy to continue paying his salary. Also unlike me, Jerry was still happy to fellate the producers and network hacks in exchange for what he wanted. (And having been on the receiving end of Jerry's Hoover-like mouth, I understood why they'd give him whatever he wanted in exchange for a little deep-throating or pussy munching.)

So I called Jerry and told him of the injustice. Being the good friend that he is, he invited me up to his place for a little break. His co-star Daniel and Daniel's girlfriend Jennifer were in town and we could maybe go up to the mountains and do some hiking, commune with nature and shit to revive my crushed soul. "Yeah," I said. "That would be great."

Little did I know that the trip would change everything.

*****

** _On meeting Daniel and Jennifer…_ **

We never made it to the mountains. Jerry decided -- and rightly so -- that booze was a better idea at this point. The first night there we met up with Daniel and Jennifer for dinner. A few hours later we'd moved on to a bar. While Jerry chatted up some short brunette at a corner table, I watched Daniel fuck Jennifer in the bathroom.

They asked me to go in with them, and Daniel smiled before he bent Jennifer over the sink and banged her hard and fast from behind. They both kept looking at me in the mirror while they talked dirty to each other. Jennifer said filthy things like "Yeah, fuck my tight pussy" and "How about I fuck your even tighter ass when we get home?"

It was nasty. It was awesome. That could've been the moment I fell in love with them. But it wasn't -- that moment would come later, when I was in on the fucking instead of just watching from my seat on top of one of the toilets. When I fell in love, things were even nastier. It was amazing.

*****

** _On my first time with Daniel…_ **

The first time Daniel and I had sexual relations was completely and totally unexpected. We'd been hanging out a lot and had gone to a bar. We came home after a couple beers -- enough to be loose, but not shitfaced -- and as soon as we were through the door Daniel slammed me up against the wall and dropped to his knees. I've heard people make comments over the years about his amazing dick-sucking lips and all I can say is that no one came close to describing the amazingness of that man's mouth. Obviously I've grown more and more fond of it as time's gone by, but that first time? What a way to start a relationship.

He jerked himself off while sucking _all_ of me down -- and I'm not exactly little. Or even average. My dick is long and thick and after nearly a month of nothing but my own hands, I was even bigger than usual, you know. I was overflowing with cum, my nuts ready to explode like a volcano that's been dormant for 100 years.

Daniel kept looking up at me through his long eyelashes, silently saying, "You like this?" He hummed and groaned and took me into his throat. The most amazing part though is that when I came, he pulled back and jerked me off all over his face. As my cum splashed across his lips and cheeks and those fucking eyelashes, he shuddered and came in his hand whispering, "Fuck, Chaz. So good. So fucking good."

He stood up, wiping the cum from his face and licking it off his fingers. He moaned an "mmm" then leaned in and nipped at my jaw and earlobe before planting the softest kiss on my mouth. His fingers fisted my shirt as we kissed again and again and then I said, "Come upstairs."

He pulled back and this look came over his face as he said, "I can't… Jenn --" His voice cracked as he said her name.

I just nodded and said, "Yeah, okay," then kissed him again before murmuring "good night" against his mouth.

We both needed to address the situation with Jennifer. Daniel was obviously interested in me. And I was most definitely interested in him. But we were both into Jennifer too, and I wasn't sure how that was going to work out. A few weeks earlier she'd flown to LA with me and suggested we fuck in the airplane bathroom. When I'd said, "What about Daniel?" she got pissy with me and spent the rest of the flight drinking champagne and ignoring me. I can't help it that I'm hot and irresistible, but I couldn't let my hotness destroy such a great relationship. I loved Daniel, and he loved Jennifer.

We all needed to work out the logistics of things. I never thought things would end up as they did.

*****

**_On my first _real_ time with Daniel…_**

The first time Daniel and I actually fucked, we set up the webcam so that Jennifer could watch. She was on the east coast filming some crap show, but wanted to play too. So she told us what to do while she watched on her computer and fucked herself with this huge dildo Daniel had custom made for her using a cast of his own cock. That thing is a beast. Almost, but not quite, as big as me.

So anyway, she told me to get on my knees so that Daniel could eat my ass. Like I said before, that guy's mouth is amazing. His tongue's so long that guy could practically eat out Jennifer while she was in her apartment on the east coast. And fuck me, does he know how to use it. That man can rim me anytime. (And does so frequently.)

Once he had me nice and loose he slid his cock inside me, rocking slowly in and out. Jennifer wanted to see us kissing, so we switched it up -- Daniel on his back with me riding him.

I kept leaning over to kiss him and Jennifer would say hot shit like, "Mmm, yeah, baby. Lick your ass flavor outta his mouth. God I wish I were there to taste it too." That girl was crazy. Still is. Just like me. I couldn't wait for her to get home so she and I could finally fuck.

*****

** _On living together in Jerry's house…_ **

Jerry caught Daniel and me making out in his bed one time. It was hilarious. He started yelling at us about getting peanut butter on his sheets. I told him the dogs would lick it up later when they curled up in bed with him. You should have seen the look on his face, I can't even describe how freaked out he was. God I love that dude.

But because he's such a good friend and we respect him, Daniel and I got our own place not long after that. Then we could enjoy peanut butter anywhere, anytime, and any way we wanted. With or without the mutts.

*****

** _On finally fucking Daniel…_ **

It was a long time before Daniel could trust me enough to let me fuck him. He let Jennifer fuck him with her strap-on all the time and that used to really hurt me. I felt like I wasn't special enough. But then things finally changed. I opened myself up to them completely and got the most amazing gift in return…

Jennifer was home for a weekend and we all got loose -- a little beer, a little weed, a little soak in the hot tub. Jennifer wanted to try something new and I'm always up for a little sexual experimentation. She put Daniel on his back and had me ride him. That wasn't new, of course; that was practically our version of missionary. Been there, done that. But then she pushed me forward and started tonguing my ass while I bounced up and down on Daniel's big, hard cock. Her mouth is almost as amazing as his.

After a few minutes of licking me and drooling gobs of spit all over my hole -- my girl is Raunchy with a capital R -- she slid a finger in alongside Daniel's cock. She pumped in and out -- first in time with him and then in counterpoint. After a bit of that I felt the cool slickness of lube being drizzled over my ass before she added yet another finger for a few more strokes.

"Such a wet cunt. Gonna stretch it out and fuck it. Yeah, gonna fuck your cunt, baby." She pulled out her fingers and grabbed my hips to hold me still. I felt the tip of her cock pressing against Daniel's cock and trying to slide inside me next to him. It hurt. Fuck did it hurt. But she just stroked my back and ass and said, "Shh, baby. Just relax and let me in."

Daniel was kissing me and running his fingers through my hair. He wiped a tear from my cheek and said, "Let her in."

I did. I gave it up to them and she was in me. She started moving while Daniel stayed still, just holding me. She slid in and out, my ass slowly opening to her, the pain shifting to the most intense pleasure.

"Next time I'm gonna use my fist," she said. "You like that? Wanna have my hand in your cunt, Chaz? Think you're man enough for that? My hand and Danny's cock." She groaned with pleasure and need and kept talking and fucking until Daniel came inside me.

I could feel his cum being pushed out by her thrusting cock. Could hear the squelching sounds. They both pulled out of me and Jennifer pulled me back onto my knees, giving Daniel room to turn over. I don't know when they'd done it, but at some point earlier they'd prepped him.

"Go on tiger," Jennifer whispered in my ear. "He's ready for you." Sliding into Danny was like coming home. I was so on edge from the double-penetration that I wasn't sure I'd last. Then I felt Jennifer's mouth on my ass again, licking up Daniel's cum before she slid her cock into me again. She fucked me hard, setting the pace -- each of her thrusts pushing me into Daniel.

It was so good. So fucking good.

Daniel turned his head away from the pillow to say, "I love you."

I was done. I came hard, shooting deep into his ass, spasming around Jennifer's strap-on, my whole body shaking between them. I must have passed out because when I could focus again, I was on my side with the two of them curled around me, their hands gently caressing my skin, their mouths dropping little kisses everywhere, both of them telling me how wonderful and perfect I was. It was the most amazing experience of my life.

I spent the next day either standing or lying down because my ass was so tender. But it was all worth it.

 

[back cover copy]  
"F*cking: A Love Story_ is a hilarious, sex-filled story of a former television star turned writer. Mr. Murphy's story is told like a memoir, but with tales like this the reader will have to wonder what's real, what's been reimagined, and what's plain fantasy. It doesn't matter though, because this book is a rocking good read."_ \-- Rolling Stone

_"Proof that polyamory can be hot and mundane. If the smut doesn't blow you away, the humor will."_ \-- Playboy

_F*cking: A Love Story_ is the tale of Chaz Mitchell Murphy's journey to find his voice as a writer after retiring from a successful career in film and television. It is also the story of how he found love and happiness in the arms of Daniel Harrison and Jennifer Eckleston, an established couple who welcomed Murphy into their lives. Funny, sexy, and heart-breaking at turns, this book is nonstop entertainment and proof that Murphy has indeed found his voice.

Chaz Mitchell Murphy lives happily with his partners and several dogs. He is currently writing and producing for several successful television programs.

[/back cover copy]


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